And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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