I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize