Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We talked him into tasing himself.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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