how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
