Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
