He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
