I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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