so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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