So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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