Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
