On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
