i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
