: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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