So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
