this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
