Define "chronic" masturbator.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
