She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
