based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
