we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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