Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
