New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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