One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
