apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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