So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
