Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
