a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
