You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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