Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
