cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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