Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My feet surprised me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
