my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
