You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
