i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
