You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
