she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
