please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
