Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize