i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
