I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
