she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
