Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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