It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
