I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
