ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
