so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize