Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you win again, gameday.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
