I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
