chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We left an ass print on the piano.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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