I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
