It's Friday. Sex?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize