I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
