I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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