thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize