i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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