Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize