I can text with my tongue
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
