Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
