You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
