One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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