Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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