I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
