wakey wakey hands off snakey
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
