Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
