My room smells like vodka and shame
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
