Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
