I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
