You made me cry and you don't even care
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
