Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
