I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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