I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize