1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
