I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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