ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
