I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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