saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
