It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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