Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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