do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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