i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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