also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
