What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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