'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I understand Curling. That high.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
