super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
