you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
