just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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