so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
