so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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