I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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