This is not my ceiling
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
