I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
