Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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