I want to make a zoo with you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
