he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
