I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
