Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
